Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Loonatics Unleashed - The Music Villain (Snark)

Here we go with the kickoff to the finale of Loonatics Unleashed. Technically they consider the finale to be a two-parter, and that’s the two after this one. But forget that. This episode leads straight into the last two and has events you need to know about for those to make sense. It’s a three-parter.

This episode’s called “The Music Villain,” eh? As in the stock member of a superhero rogues gallery with a music motif?

The Loonatics are at Zadavia’s little underwater house where she’s praising how much more formidable they’ve gotten, like Bugs with his magic sword and Wile E. in the “non-technology hero department.” No idea what she was watching to make that assessment, since if anything the show relies on his inventions even more now than the last season. In fact as she says that we clearly see footage of him using his turn-things-to-water gun from “Cape Duck.” “I’ve been trying to get out of the lab more” indeed.

Right after this they’re interrupted as Zadavia gets a talking email saying she and guest are invited to the show at the Cosmic Abyss that night, but it’s only from “a friend.” Lexi says that’s apparently a mondo venue, and despite being some kind of super vague important dignitary/law enforcement official, Zadavia’s curiosity’s greater than her caution and she decides to see who sent the tix.

Daffy acts as if he’s obviously going to accompany her to this, but she comeidcally picks Wile E. instead. At least she didn’t pick Bugs. Daffy shows up anyway, since it’s hard to keep teleporters from gate-crashing these things. He even acts like a jerk and tells Wile E. to get them some drinks, and Wile E. does. Hey, if he’s a jerk, you’re a doormat.

Check the reactions on the crowd.

The generic music act ends, and introducing the next act is none other than Mr. Leghorn, almost unrecognizable yet somehow more recognizable than ever because of how much more Doug Dimmadome-y he became in between seasons.

Meet Bootes Belinda, an annoying funk musician OF THE FUTURE! He sounds a lot like the guy who talks over the intro sequence, actually, because, well, it is the same guy, Bootsy Collins. Dang, went all out for a name for his character, eh? He constantly says “Hit me!”, and I’m inclined to humor him.

After a minute Zadavia recognizes the music the band’s playing, and Bootes calls out to “Zadie” before he starts blasting lasers from his stupid future guitar into the stands

The entire band starts destroying the stadium, and despite having energy powers sufficient to go up against fighter ships, I have to notice Zadavia’s content to do nothing more than blast a few pieces of falling debris before they hit her and her escorts. Not other people, just her, Daffy and Wile E. This leaves the two Loonatics present to try and subdue the militant musicians. Granted Zadavia was just talking about how much they’ve honed their skills, but is this really the time to promote their personal growth?

Daffy and Wile E. aren’t much use and get flung into the stands, and the band fly away on their floating stage, having achieved…something.

Back at Loonatics HQ (and not the underwater house) Zadavia’s still sure she heard that short bit of music before, and right then Bootes easily hacks their communications and taunts Zadavia that they do indeed have a shared past even though she claims to have never seen him before. Flexing his Batmanesque Detective Skills™ once again, Bugs suggests they “do some snoopin’ and see where handsome and his funky band play next.” Which will work! Because after collapsing their previous venue and attacking the attendees, he’ll show up to play wherever he’s booked next and WON’T be intercepted by legions of police and/or military waiting for the guy to show his face. Besides, he’s obviously interested in Zadavia, so even if the Loonatics do run into him at his next gig, what are the odds it’ll just be a distraction so they won’t be around to stop flunkies from grabbing her? I’m going to go with high to very high.

But we don’t even have to wait. Retiring to her underwater house, Zadavia’s flabbergasted to find “the Lumarius Flower of Freleng” floating in her room, since “it can’t be, not here.” When she touches the bloom, it sucks out her rainbow powers. Bootes was hiding and comes out to explain how the flower’s “the black dwarf daisy, a cosmic light sucker. No photons escape its petals.” And since her powers are apparently light-derived, she’s badly weakened. Although if she was able to recognize the flower you’d hope she’d know that and know better than to touch it.

And remember Bugs’s plan to check where Bootes’s band will be playing next? They’re not calling around or checking booking records to find that out, the Loonatics are out randomly hitting nightclubs hoping to find one he’s playing at. I just…wha…why…how did…<deep breath> We went from Bugs solving mysteries with his master detective skills to randomly throwing out lines hoping for a bite? Why nightclubs when he was big enough to get booked at a huge stadium? And perhaps best of all, the Loonatics aren’t out checking different clubs, so as to make semi-effective use of their time with this gambit. All of them are together for some reason as they do this.

Daffy apparently got a bit of action while they were in there, though, leading Bugs to declare “You’re hopeless, Duck.” Consider who came up with the genius plan he’s not sticking to before you remonstrate anybody, oh Great Leader.

Bugs’s watch goes off then, and he automatically can tell that Zadavia’s in trouble and they speed to her underwater house to the rescue. You see?! I told you, you were just leaving her ripe for the picking, but noooooooooooooooo!

They run in and find the place trashed, which I guess Bootes did just to be a dick since obviously no struggle took place.  “Looks like the maid’s in for a butt-kicking,” Daffy opines. “Uh, I don’t think a maid did this, Duck,” Bugs replies. And I don’t think he was serious, ya big-eared twit.

Wile E. plays back the security cam footage, showing Zadavia touching the flower and getting sucked dry before Bootes himself calls them on the holo-phone. He shows them he’s got what’s-her-face hostage, but is willing to let her go for “a little cosmic guitar” that Wile E. can “funkenstein up.” Wile E. traces the signal (which Bootes was expecting him to do), but first it’s off to funkenstein up that cosmic guitar. And that’s all they’re telling us about this thing for now. Cosmic guitar.

Zadavia put a security camera in her ow bedroom?

Upon arriving at the rail yard to meet up with Bootes, Bugs asks if everybody knows the plan. You’re only asking now? Everyone says yes while brandishing progressively larger weapons. Yeah, that’s not gonna turn the situation ugly. Bootes shows up and quips, “if it ain’t a blast from the past!” He does ignore all their weapons, though, and just wants the guitar.

As soon as he has it, the band attacks the Loonatics but proves more than a match for the varmints’ firepower. That is, until Wile E. gets them with his trusty jello gun. Somehow being trapped in jello exposes the band members to be robots (or “mannequins”) except for the keyboard player, who somehow uses his keyboard to set two trains on a collision course with the car where Zadavia’s being held. Gotta say, it’s actually pretty clever for this show to have the real villain trick the heroes into thinking one of his flunkies is the leader to take them by surprise. Even if none of them noticed how he was suspiciously absent before.

The Loonatics stop the trains just in time, but Zadavia proves to be a holographic dummy, and this gives the keyboard player time to free his puppets and make off with the cosmic guitar. And none of the Loonatics bother to think of pursuing with those jetpacks they got there with.

Back at his hideout, the keyboard player siphons Zadavia’s rainbow powers, which she still has somehow despite the thing with the flower, into the cosmic guitar which makes it truly cosmic, I guess. Zadavia wakes up and remembers seeing him before, back on Freleng, this menacing personage proving to be one Rupes Oberon.

The villains to come from Freleng have all been insultingly one-dimensional, but this one’s just painful. Rupes, or as the credits call him and so shall I, Keyboard Man, became embittered and joined a cabal for universal domination because…Zadavia ignored his composition for a new Frelengian national anthem (How can a planet have a “national” anthem? To quote one of the masters, “Doesn’t the fact that it’s universal make it international?”).

Although as usual Zadavia hardly comes out smelling like a rose. “But Rupes, we already had a national anthem. One that had words.” That’s why you turned him down? Because of the existence of lyrics??

She’s only explaining this now, by the way. The way it plays out in the flashback he’s serenading her, then Deuce whispers something in her ear and she gets up and leaves without so much as a “thanks but no thanks.” Yeah, he’s a maniac for becoming a force of evil over that (I almost said lunatic). No doubt. Who knows what might’ve happened if she’d been polite about it instead of getting up and walking away, though?

At Loonatics HQ, the varmints are actually taking time trying to figure out who the band’s puppetmaster was. Clearly not the guy it obviously was in the last scene!

Look at this guy. He does not look like a cool, butt-kicking, crime-solving hero. Sorry.

Wile E. finally deigns to explain the significance of the cosmic guitar, and that it ties into string theory. To hear him tell it, “Think of the universe as a galactic orchestra. The Keyboard Man knows that if he can channel Zadavia’s energy into his guitar, he can use that power to control the universe.” Simple enough, not that he’ll ever do anything of that magnitude, but what does that have to do with your description of the universe as an orchestra?

Bugs magically intuits that what Keyboard Man wants above all else is attention. That’s right, but how does he know? Anyway, it means he’s going to try whatever he’s going to try at Galaxy Fest, the biggest music fest ever. Which has nobody there when the Loonatics go there and when the band attacks them again.

As before the Loonatics prove a poor match for the band and get knocked all over the place by their musical energy blasts, even without the bad guys busting out the cosmic guitar. As usual Wile E. has a device to fit the occasion (Really getting to strut his non-inventor stuff, isn’t he?), a satellite dish to reflect the band’s attacks. Bugs goads them into shooting by insulting Bootes’s mama, which works even though he’s just a puppet being controlled by Keyboard Man.

Where is that coming out of? Is he Inspector Gadget all of a sudden?

The mannequins are handily destroyed by their own reflected attack, but Keyboard Man appears to be all too happy to be rid of them, as it’s only then he busts out the cosmic guitar and uses it to drop the de-powered Zadavia off the stage and open a portal that’ll take him to meet some other powerful baddie he can join up with to complete his grand scheme.

Unfortunately Roadrunner catches Zadavia, who moans. “I’m afraid the guitar isn’t the only thing he’s taken,” Zadavia moans. “He’s also taken my powers.” Which you were getting so much use out of, with the way you make them do all the dirty work.

By the way, Bugs tries to console her by saying they can always get the guitar back. Even though he himself said before it made Keyboard Man invincible, and it gives a deranged musician control of the fabric of the universe. Please be in a hurry to do something about this, Greatest Action Hero of All Time! Man, this show was never that great, but it’s gone downhill fast the last couple episodes.

Who should Keyboard Man be paying a visit to but Optimatus! Who’s chained to a chair even though he wasn’t last time we saw him. I do hope they’re going to explain that.

But I ain’t betting on it.


  1. A random inquiry, friend; would you at all be interested in joining a group of aspiring online reviewers? We haven't much grounding yet, as we're trying to get the website organized, you'd be a great addition.

    1. You got someplace to discuss the specifics? Messenger? Forum?