New Moon Chatper 22 - Flight

1. With the disappointing climax to Edward’s attempted suicide and disappointing revelation of the vampires nobody messes with behind us, we’re treated to more of the author trying to get us to remember the lesser members of the Volturi and their support staff. “Demetri left us in the cheerfully opulent reception area, where the woman Gianna was still at her post behind the polished counter.”

Lots of villains have “faceless goons” for a reason, Steph.

2. Demetri warns them not to leave until dark. “Gianna did not seem at all surprised by the exchange, though she did eye Edward’s borrowed cloak with shrewd speculation.” She does work for vampires and know it, you know. Edward did try to argue for Bella’s survival based on Gianna’s knowledge which made the Volturi big sparkly hypocrites, remember?

Edward’s “voice was rough--if velvet can be rough”. Oh shut up about it already! “Still stressed by our situation, I imagined.” Gee, you think? Not that I really see why after meeting the Volturi, but they were supposed to have come that close to dying after finding each other again.

Alice points out “She’s going to pieces,” but I’ve seen nothing to indicate Bella was ever that together even when Edward was around.

“I knew it was stupid to react like this. Who knew how much time I had to look at his face? He was saved, and I was saved, and he could leave me as soon as we were free. To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful--insanity.” So why stop now?

And yeah, it’s still a total impossibility that Edward doesn’t care about her and is going to move on as soon as he’s in the clear. Even though he got his ass kicked trying to save her from Dakota Fanning’s power, argued for Bella’s survival, and would be going back on arguing for her survival by abandoning her because she knows too much and the Volturi will kill her if she doesn’t become a vampire herself.

3. It’s established that the Volturi eat some of the attendees of that big festival Bella had to run through, and I  have to wonder about the city’s reputation for safety and the festival getting such a big turnout if there are people who go there and are never seen again every year.

4. Anyway, Edward confirms that the receptionist knows she works for vampires and is hoping they’ll decide to make her one of them. Bella has possibly her most idiotic reaction yet. “I felt the blood leave my face. ‘She wants to be one of them?’ ”

So does she. She wants all the beauty and immortality that would respectively make her worthy of Edward and able to hang onto this thing she has with him forever (because when vampires love, it’s forever. Because Steph says so). The attendant power would also allow her to keep up with him when he gets “distracted.” Yeah Bella’s really shocked that the receptionist would want to be one of those…*snort, snicker* terrifying monsters, but wasn’t it our heroine who said “It’s not what you are, stupid, it’s what you do!”? The Volturi are such good friends with Carlisle, would they have a problem with some of their members mimicking his dietary habits?

Bella’s doubts about Edward don’t even flicker when he tells her there’s reasons to be happy. Such as “And we’re together.” Fuck her.

Alice adds “The outlook is quite good,” and she’ll get to see Jasper in 24 hours. “Lucky Alice. She could trust her future.” Could she? Stop writing it as fallible and reliable, Meyer.

Man, this is boring. I know that was supposed to be the exciting climax in the last chapter but it wasn’t, and we don’t need a breather that lasts as long as this. Like I keep saying the heavy stuff would be a lot more effective if Bella didn’t make it sound like everything was the end of the world.

5. Alice and Edward start talking about how they’ll get home. “It sounded like more theft would be involved, though. I wondered idly if the yellow Porsche had made its way back to its owner yet.” If it hasn’t even been a day and Alice is still there with them, probably not. Imbecile.

For that matter, am I really supposed to like the Cullens when they’re so cavalier about stealing and destroying other people’s property? Remember the ballet studio from the last book? Why was that necessary again? With their bottomless bank accounts, couldn’t they just rent a car or take a cab back to wherever they’re catching a plane back to the states? Is killing the only thing they have scruples about? They’re not even in a hurry to save someone’s life now.

6. There’s some lame blather about how Bella’s even more special because she’s what vampires call a singer, in that her blood sings to Edward. Let her be special for something she does, Meyer. Not something she just is, something she just has.

Bella feels the urge to sleep, but isn’t willing to waste a second of the time she has with Edward. “It was heaven--right smack dab in the middle of hell.” Nothing’s happening, Meyer. Stop dramatizing this.

No, really. The receptionist tells them “pleasantly” how to get out of the building and “Alice shot her a dark look.” Why must you make it so hard for me to find one character
in your books I can stand, Steph?

Alice does steal a car, and apologizes that it’s not that luxurious. Why, Steph? Yeah, I guess somebody who can afford a car like the one they stole to get to Volterra can probably replace it without feeling much of a hit to their pocketbook, but again, so could the Cullens.

Bella’s surprised when Edward joins her in the back rather than driving because she apparently didn’t hear him say he was grateful to be back together with her. Just now. They don’t talk, they just cuddle.

7. After showing she is capable of breezing over things, on the flight back to the USA Bella asks for a Coke and Edward expresses disapproval. “He knew my low tolerance for caffeine.” Which is why he insisted she drink Coke after he saved her from the rapists that time in Port Angeles, as a means of helping her settle herself. When he’d be stuck next to her in a vehicle for the trip home too. Which really didn’t make her that hyper or anything. She shuts him up by saying she’ll have nightmares if she goes to sleep.

When they get back, the Cullens meet them. “Esme reached for me, hugging me fiercely, yet awkwardly, because Edward kept his arms around me too.”

What am I supposed to think of Bella? As I probably don’t have to say, I think of her as a miserable whiner who doesn’t do anything to deserve all the favor the author gives her. She certainly doesn’t earn it, and while Meyer can defend that by saying there’s no way a normal human could compete with all these supernatural creatures, that’s no reason Bella has to be a complete and utter emotional weakling too.

She doesn’t seem like a good person underneath it all who just refuses to see the light struggling to shine out, either. She looks down on most of her “friends,” does things like crash motorcycles and throw herself off cliffs and is perfectly willing to throw her life away in order to hallucinate that perfect boy she’ll never see again, she barely even acknowledges the possibility that boy wants her back after all even though HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF TOO in order to escape a world without her and is showing her signs of gratitude at being reunited and…damn.

When everyone crowds around and is all “thank God you’re all right we were so worried  we totally owe you for saving Edward,” it feels like more of that shit where a vampire had the power to see the intensity of relationships. Rather than actually demonstrate how in love they are and how Bella really is a good person with a bad self-image, all the information we get makes her seem unstable, and given all this positive regard just because the author says so.

8. Further demonstrating how bad Meyer is at actually having things happen in her books, Rosalie feels “awful” about saying Bella was dead. Bella didn’t have to lift a finger to start resolving things between her and the only Cullen who had any serious problems with her, it just happens. Yeah, Rosalie should feel bad about that, but when Bella gets all this crap for free already…

Fudge, Bella even forgives Rosalie because she was the one who jumped off the cliff in the first place. That has nothing to do with anything. Rosalie said Bella was dead, presumably out of her (justifiable) hatred of our narrator.

9. Edward delivers a half-conscious Bella home, and Charlie’s peeved to see Edward with his daughter. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face around here.” Yeah, usually he just sneaks in. Which is heartwarming. Or something. In fact, when Bella starts to panic at losing touch with Edward so soon, he whispers a promise to meet her upstairs in a minute.

That’s not touching just because you say so, Steph. And you know what, yeah, maybe your books are lacking something if thinking about them reveals a bunch of problems with how things are supposed to be. Even if it’s a fantasy.

10. The big climax came last chapter. Why does there need to be two more chapters and an epilogue? I don't mean we could just stop the book here, that would be even more awkward. But do we really need 63 more pages to wrap things up? Was there a certain page count in your contract, Steph?